Lions, Tigers and...The Stupid By The Stupid, Oh My!

BRIEF INTRO

On a rainy Thursday evening, I sat at home with an anxious stomach after watching footage of Secretary of Education Betsy Devos proposing $18M in cuts to the Special Olympics. Minutes later, I indulged in a couple of sips of Braulio, an Italian digestif known to settle an upset stomach.

My taste buds were immediately surrounded in the flavors of a mountainous forest – both floral and mentholated. And, moments later with my stomach and soul soothed, I decided to take a lighter approach to this week’s editorial.

Stand back while we research legislation together that is both funny and eye-opening.

I hope this editorial and the spotlighted legislation are funny in the sense that it makes us all chuckle as the world around us continues in its depressing and depraved state. Further, I hope this editorial is eye-opening in showing us what exactly our legislators are up to under the dome at the Capitol building. My argument for this editorial? Our legislators are all not rock scientists or ambitious men and women trying to save the world or the state of Texas. Rather, they are jokesters and wordmongers oftentimes wasting the $7,200 we pay them a year. 

Onward!

NOW, THE STUPID BY THE STUPID

Are you interested in seeing that our legislators are using their time wisely? Fixing roads? Appropriating funds to higher education! Handling some really big, super important stuff! Well, if that’s what you’re seeking, abort mission, close this window, go somewhere else!

But, if you want to chuckle, go to the Texas Legislature Online or the TLO and giggle right along with me!

Now, for some really interesting legislation that abounds this session:

1. Senate Bill 1271, by Sen. Kirk Watson, D-Austin, would require (yes, REQUIRE) the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) to make and issue specialty license plates that say “Keep Austin Weird.”

What’s really weird is Kirk Watson but maybe some weird-o will buy into this and send some much-needed dinero (after the department’s administrative costs) to the general revenue fund. Even weirder? Everyone voted for it...I wonder what they are smoking.

2. Senate Bill 1210, by Sen. Kelly Hancock, R-North Richland Hills, pushes for the removal of ale, malt liquor, and beer that has become “unfit” for human consumption as a result of natural disaster by those who brewed or distributed the beverages.

I mean…in the wake of a disaster, I doubt that a distributor will venture out into destroyed areas or roads under water or worse to remove product…and, after a rough day or, even, after a disaster, who doesn’t need a drink?

3. Senate Bill 2287, by Pat Fallon, R-Prosper, that dreams up the idea of randomly drug testing members of the legislature during a legislative session for “controlled substances” and “marihuana.”

First of all, who spells marijuana with the letter h? Someone who is stoned or a boring legislator, that’s who. Second, who pissed Sen. Fallon off at a house party? Good luck with passing this one! Vaya con Dios.

4. House Concurrent Resolution 123, by Rep. Stephanie Klick, R-Fort Worth, touts the breakfast taco as one of the state’s “distinctive and delicious foods,” “whether purchased at a drive-through…or served by a loving grandmother…” and pushes to make it the official state breakfast item of the state.

Here ye, Here ye! Click For Prez. I’m surprised this isn’t already a thing but dang, I believe in this cause!

Interested in reading more articles like this by real journalists about kiddie lemonade stands and other pieces of silly legislation? Click here, or here.

Ready for some words I searched that yielded no results? Margarita. Skeleton. Chihuahuas. Vape or the word vaping. Buffalo wings. What does that prove? Well, at least the legislators aren't on my level and maybe they are actually working a little. 

But, I think this proves my point...